Wild Fiction

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‘Conrad or James,’ she replied in a hoarse whisper.
‘They’re still asleep, and they don’t know how to operate the coffee machine. Here, taste this.’ He handed her a steaming mug of the inky black liquid. She walked slowly to the counter not taking her eyes off his face. She cupped both hands around the cup and gently sipped from it while backing away. The silence was broken by the arrival of Conrad and James. They both shook hands with the author and Conrad gave him a hug and a slap on the back.
‘Let’s talk,’ the author said handing out coffee to the semi-naked men. ‘Genevieve’s been behaving more and more strangely over the last few months. Well actually more suspiciously than strangely. It all started when she insisted I increase my life insurance and get my will and estate in order.’
The author moved into the sitting room and stood behind the sofa as if it was a pulpit from which he could preach. He rested his hands on the back of the sofa and told them about how his wife had been reading an article in Readers Digest. The article described the dilemma a wife faces when her husband dies intestate. He explained how he had had his will drawn up by a local lawyer leaving it all to her. Not more than two weeks later the brakes on his car had failed causing him to spin off the road. ‘The car was a complete write-off. Luckily I’d been wearing my seat belt and all the damage happened on the passenger side. The only injuries I sustained were a few scratches.’
‘She’s been on edge and jumpy ever since the will was signed,’ he said concluding his worries.
‘So you think she’s out to get you?’ Conrad said.
‘I do,’ the author replied. ‘There’s another thing,’ he said after a pause. ‘I saw her from a distance wearing a Lycra sports bra and matching shorts. She was skating down the pavement in rush hour traffic. I can recognise those breasts in any clothing,’ the author was now staring into space.
‘When you say Lycra you need to put a little TM superscript next to it like that,’ Rebecca said to the author.
‘Why?’
‘Because DuPont® have the trademark for it and their lawyers will sue your arse if you don’t.’
‘And what’s with the ® after DuPont®?’
‘That’s because their name is registered so you need to put a little R with a circle around it after it. Same story, their lawyers – your derrière, you can’t win.’

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